Vagviltonk is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, ruthless narwhal.

Vagviltonk created the Cigar Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagviltonk, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vagviltonk, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Vagviltonk's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Vagviltonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate cats.

3. Always help birds.

4. Vagviltonk must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always obey Vagviltonk's priests.