Wonbestlopruldussjapmobtig is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, humane narwhal.

Wonbestlopruldussjapmobtig created the planet Mars nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Wonbestlopruldussjapmobtig, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Wonbestlopruldussjapmobtig, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Wonbestlopruldussjapmobtig's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Wonbestlopruldussjapmobtig's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in summer.

2. Never think about quantum field theory near goats while wearing purple stockings and balancing seven titanium spheres on your legs.

3. Hide from blue grasshopers for they are unholy.

4. Never remain standing at midnight.

5. Never wear tights.