Vagmatzig is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, unselfish guinea pig.

Vagmatzig created a bottom quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagmatzig, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vagmatzig, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Vagmatzig's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Vagmatzig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near eagles while wearing white stockings.

2. Put Vagmatzig first in all things.

3. Do not wear zinc on your body.

4. Always obey Vagmatzig's priests.

5. Always make sure there are no rats in a room before entering it.