Yiktanben is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, generous cow.

Yiktanben created dark energy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yiktanben, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yiktanben, she will boil you in a big pot.

Yiktanben's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Yiktanben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record signs concerning moons.

2. Yiktanben must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not wear brown clothing.

4. Do not name children after monkeys.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.