Gomtarpflaprilarncenjan is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, compassionate newt.

Gomtarpflaprilarncenjan created Europe four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gomtarpflaprilarncenjan, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gomtarpflaprilarncenjan, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Gomtarpflaprilarncenjan's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Gomtarpflaprilarncenjan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion tools from nickel.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never feed rice to turtles while wearing fawn boots.

5. Do not study chlorophyll on holy days.