Bapjatpag is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, ruthless squid.

Bapjatpag created the cosmos two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapjatpag, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bapjatpag, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Bapjatpag's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Bapjatpag's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never think about thermodynamics near cats while wearing gray scarves and balancing three titanium spheres on your back.

3. Never allow frogs to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Do not name children after tapirs.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.