Tinlipxuc is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, deceitful giraffe.

Tinlipxuc created silver nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tinlipxuc, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tinlipxuc, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tinlipxuc's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Tinlipxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tinlipxuc.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Tinlipxuc.

5. Do not chop down trees.