Cemfatmum is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, unselfish donkey.

Cemfatmum created Asia nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Cemfatmum, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Cemfatmum, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Cemfatmum's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Cemfatmum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair red.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Cemfatmum loves manatees, so they must be respected.

4. Do not bounce in public.

5. You must never eat strawberries.