Pakwabnib is a god.

He takes the form of a small, astonishing camel.

Pakwabnib created time and space nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakwabnib, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Pakwabnib, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Pakwabnib's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Pakwabnib's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine badgers approach from the north.

2. Do not eat strawberries.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never talk about tortoises.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.