Ranvadhug is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, benevolent penguin.

Ranvadhug created a photon three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ranvadhug, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ranvadhug, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Ranvadhug's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Ranvadhug's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed figs to mice while wearing jumpers.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Worship no other gods but Ranvadhug.

4. You must pray to Ranvadhug three times a day.

5. Never eat green fruit.