Vanbotteen is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, moody hydra.

Vanbotteen created oxygen six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanbotteen, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Vanbotteen, it will turn you into a hamster.

Vanbotteen's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Vanbotteen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

2. Do not wear platinum on your body.

3. Worship no other gods but Vanbotteen.

4. Never jump in holy places.

5. Run away if eight aardvarks approach from the north.