Jopmipnak is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, dishonest snail.

Jopmipnak created water three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jopmipnak, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Jopmipnak, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Jopmipnak's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Jopmipnak's Holy Commandments

1. Put Jopmipnak first in all things.

2. Do not dye your hair black.

3. Never think about optics near squirrels while wearing green corsets and balancing nine lead spheres on your neck.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.