Bumpoplak is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, self-confident jackal.

Bumpoplak created the cosmos six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bumpoplak, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Bumpoplak, it will strike you with lightening.

Bumpoplak's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Bumpoplak's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt swans.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching titanium.

3. Never stain your neck with turquoise.

4. Never wear brown boots on sacred days.

5. Never mark doors with yellow.