Wappopvil Hivboptonk is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, awesome turtle.

Wappopvil Hivboptonk created the planet Saturn eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Wappopvil Hivboptonk, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Wappopvil Hivboptonk, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Wappopvil Hivboptonk's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Wappopvil Hivboptonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics near squirrels while wearing magenta trousers and balancing eight gold spheres on your head.

2. Learn seven new languages a year.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Wappopvil Hivboptonk.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate otters.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.