Bamvonkgem is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, humane ant.

Bamvonkgem created gold three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamvonkgem, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bamvonkgem, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Bamvonkgem's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Bamvonkgem's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six ducks approach from the east.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Never sit in the presence of cats.

4. Always wear purple.

5. Retreat if five squirrels approach from the north.