Tadvogham is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, awesome spider.

Tadvogham created a down quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tadvogham, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tadvogham, it will destroy your home solar system.

Tadvogham's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Tadvogham's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Hide from fawn moths for they are unholy.

3. Run away if six snails approach from the south.

4. Always help sharks.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.