Fetjenlak is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, tiresome giraffe.

Fetjenlak created the solar system nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fetjenlak, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fetjenlak, it will make you grow a tail.

Fetjenlak's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Fetjenlak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not keep three dogs in a large pit.

5. Always obey Fetjenlak's priests.