Jonhamkad Hivonkrut is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, humorless chinchilla.

Jonhamkad Hivonkrut created the universe nine million years ago.

If you believe in Jonhamkad Hivonkrut, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jonhamkad Hivonkrut, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Jonhamkad Hivonkrut's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Jonhamkad Hivonkrut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sprint in public.

2. Put Jonhamkad Hivonkrut first in all things.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always help moths in need.

5. Always help sharks.