Dibtargfenhiv is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, grumpy tapir.

Dibtargfenhiv created bats two million years ago.

If you believe in Dibtargfenhiv, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dibtargfenhiv, she will laugh at you.

Dibtargfenhiv's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Dibtargfenhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Porpoises are not to be trusted.