Figrentim is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, humane monkey.

Figrentim created dark energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Figrentim, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Figrentim, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Figrentim's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Figrentim's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Do not wear red clothing.

3. Never run in holy places.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Worship no other gods but Figrentim.