Fumzenwig is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, bad-tempered fairy.

Fumzenwig created the Small Magellanic Cloud five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumzenwig, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Fumzenwig, he will curse you with boils.

Fumzenwig's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Fumzenwig's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never think about quantum gravity near voles while wearing brown shoes and balancing nine titanium spheres on your feet.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.