Mutvagpan is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, omnipotent grasshopper.

Mutvagpan created carbon seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mutvagpan, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Mutvagpan, he will manifest in front of you.

Mutvagpan's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Mutvagpan's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate cats.

4. Do not keep six mice in a large pit.

5. Do not eat gooseberries.