Matteensan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, moody cobra.

Matteensan created the Whirlpool Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Matteensan, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Matteensan, he will remove you from existence.

Matteensan's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Matteensan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Always help badgers.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.