Biffagpib Gumpanzen is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, omnipotent porpoise.

Biffagpib Gumpanzen created bats nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Biffagpib Gumpanzen, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Biffagpib Gumpanzen, it will remove you from existence.

Biffagpib Gumpanzen's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Biffagpib Gumpanzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not make images of living things.