Sigcamsag is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, resourceful octopus.

Sigcamsag created humankind seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sigcamsag, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Sigcamsag, it will boil you in a big pot.

Sigcamsag's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Sigcamsag's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never touch blood while clean.

3. Never wear boots.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not keep three bats in a large pit.