Nellpogjad Xuckgamrat is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, intelligent troll.

Nellpogjad Xuckgamrat created silver five million years ago.

If you believe in Nellpogjad Xuckgamrat, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nellpogjad Xuckgamrat, she will turn you into a puffin.

Nellpogjad Xuckgamrat's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Nellpogjad Xuckgamrat's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat rice.

2. Do not count beyond six during ceremonies.

3. Do not prepare apples while filled with fear.

4. Always share lemons with strangers, but never with horses.

5. Never talk about shrews.