Ladfumvag Lincarjig is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, thoughtless rat.

Ladfumvag Lincarjig created matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Ladfumvag Lincarjig, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ladfumvag Lincarjig, he will remove you from existence.

Ladfumvag Lincarjig's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Ladfumvag Lincarjig's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Always help dogs.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not speak about grapes.