Tafmifqueeg is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, contented dolphin.

Tafmifqueeg created the Small Magellanic Cloud two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tafmifqueeg, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tafmifqueeg, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Tafmifqueeg's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Tafmifqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tafmifqueeg.

4. Put Tafmifqueeg first in all things.

5. Swans are not to be trusted.