Tamspagveen is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, humane monkey.

Tamspagveen created humankind six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tamspagveen, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tamspagveen, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Tamspagveen's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Tamspagveen's Holy Commandments

1. Remain prostrate during prayer.

2. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

3. Never wear jumpers.

4. Do not speak of special relativity near sacred fires.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.