Flowbonpit is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, vain dolphin.

Flowbonpit created a charm quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Flowbonpit, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Flowbonpit, she will send minions to preach to you.

Flowbonpit's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Flowbonpit's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump near monkeys.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not take Flowbonpit's name in vain.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Flowbonpit.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.