Zakyamvad is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, confident grasshopper.

Zakyamvad created the Sun six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakyamvad, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Zakyamvad, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zakyamvad's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Zakyamvad's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat moths with great respect.

2. Run away from brown tapirs, for they are unholy.

3. Always look after injured hamsters.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Never talk about fire.