Kinmutmig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, witless monkey.

Kinmutmig created a photon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kinmutmig, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Kinmutmig, she will torture you forever.

Kinmutmig's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Kinmutmig's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.

2. Worship no other gods but Kinmutmig.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near badgers while wearing purple shorts and balancing six iron spheres on your head.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.