Wipxemved is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, generous manatee.

Wipxemved created the planet Earth seven million years ago.

If you believe in Wipxemved, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Wipxemved, he will not care at all.

Wipxemved's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Wipxemved's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not run in public.

3. You must never eat beans.

4. Never think about dark energy near turtles while wearing yellow scarves and balancing five tin spheres on your head.

5. Never feed lots of limes to tapirs while wearing mauve shoes.