Spagbatcen is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, overgenerous crab.

Spagbatcen created tapeworms four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Spagbatcen, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Spagbatcen, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Spagbatcen's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Spagbatcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at asteroids.

2. Spagbatcen must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Bats are not to be trusted.

4. Never speak aloud of names.

5. Do not consume cherries at dawn.