Quimdisstafmad Flamlabbiss Larpvogstik is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, witty weasel.

Quimdisstafmad Flamlabbiss Larpvogstik created the planet Venus three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quimdisstafmad Flamlabbiss Larpvogstik, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quimdisstafmad Flamlabbiss Larpvogstik, she will turn you into a goat.

Quimdisstafmad Flamlabbiss Larpvogstik's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Quimdisstafmad Flamlabbiss Larpvogstik's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat lentils.

2. Never paint your feet purple.

3. Always help pigs in need.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Put Quimdisstafmad Flamlabbiss Larpvogstik first in all things.