Hatyimjon is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, witty newt.

Hatyimjon created a charm quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Hatyimjon, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Hatyimjon, he will throw large rocks at you.

Hatyimjon's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Hatyimjon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never think about stars.