Hastoffom is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, irritating toad.

Hastoffom created dark energy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hastoffom, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hastoffom, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Hastoffom's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Hastoffom's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if three geese approach from the east.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Erect a large tin sculpture of Hastoffom on top of all buildings.