Laknullran is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, witty octopus.

Laknullran created tapeworms three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Laknullran, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Laknullran, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Laknullran's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Laknullran's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics near mice while wearing cyan trousers and balancing eight platinum spheres on your head.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Retreat if six whales approach from the west.

4. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.