Hapfemcum is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, emotional fairy.

Hapfemcum created oxygen two million years ago.

If you believe in Hapfemcum, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Hapfemcum, it will turn you into a snail.

Hapfemcum's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Hapfemcum's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face pink.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Erect eight aluminium sculptures of Hapfemcum on top of important buildings.

4. Never talk about whales.

5. Never go into mauve rooms.