Xenhasyarl is a god.

He takes the form of a large, witty whale.

Xenhasyarl created a Higgs boson six billion years ago.

If you believe in Xenhasyarl, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Xenhasyarl, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Xenhasyarl's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Xenhasyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Xenhasyarl in the centre of the settlement.

2. Hide from black capybaras for they are unholy.

3. Never go into fawn rooms.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not stand on grass.