Gonligtap is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, ill-tempered monkey.

Gonligtap created vertebrates seven million years ago.

If you believe in Gonligtap, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gonligtap, he will send you a sign.

Gonligtap's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Gonligtap's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of balance in the presence of strangers.

2. Never think about chlorophyll.

3. Hide if three grasshopers approach from the east.

4. Do not prepare bread while wearing shirts.

5. Do not commit murder.