Ortwanwab is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, intelligent wyvern.

Ortwanwab created Mount Everest nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortwanwab, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ortwanwab, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Ortwanwab's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Ortwanwab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Do not take Ortwanwab's name in vain.

4. Never talk about fluid mechanics near nematodes while wearing purple dresses and balancing four aluminium spheres on your chest.

5. Never sprint in holy places.