Bemjopzimvon is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, wise hippopotamus.

Bemjopzimvon created the universe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemjopzimvon, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bemjopzimvon, she will turn you into a plant.

Bemjopzimvon's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Bemjopzimvon's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never paint your back fawn.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Bemjopzimvon.