Flysomlog is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, narcissistic squid.

Flysomlog created the planet Earth six billion years ago.

If you believe in Flysomlog, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Flysomlog, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Flysomlog's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Flysomlog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about planets.

2. Never eat bananas.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Flysomlog.

5. Do not shave your face.