Flatkapxen is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, cheerful finch.

Flatkapxen created gold nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flatkapxen, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Flatkapxen, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Flatkapxen's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Flatkapxen's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never go into pink rooms.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never talk about amino acids.