Pommadman is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, tranquil walrus.

Pommadman created dark energy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pommadman, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Pommadman, he will turn you into a dog.

Pommadman's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Pommadman's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from wood.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never pour water over plants.