Ortmiptag is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, unselfish armadillo.

Ortmiptag created a down quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortmiptag, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ortmiptag, it will turn you into a snail.

Ortmiptag's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Ortmiptag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity.

2. Never run in the presence of elders.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Ortmiptag.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Swans are not to be trusted.