Afkaphivkikyogingfighub is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, unsympathetic shark.

Afkaphivkikyogingfighub created matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Afkaphivkikyogingfighub, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Afkaphivkikyogingfighub, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Afkaphivkikyogingfighub's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Afkaphivkikyogingfighub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never hurt ducks.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tapirs.

4. Never talk about moons.

5. Never mention hamsters.