Fashensandpog is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, unthinking hippopotamus.

Fashensandpog created dark energy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Fashensandpog, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Fashensandpog, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Fashensandpog's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Fashensandpog's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed coconuts to bats while wearing red kilts.

2. Never handle zinc while unclean.

3. Never wear black jumpers on sacred days.

4. Do not dye your hair magenta.

5. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.