Janmeggepflancutcad is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, generous spider.

Janmeggepflancutcad created a quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Janmeggepflancutcad, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Janmeggepflancutcad, it will jump up and down on your head.

Janmeggepflancutcad's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Janmeggepflancutcad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never feed lots of corn to mice while wearing indigo jumpers.

3. Do not resist balance.

4. Do not drink water in red rooms.

5. Erect three gold sculptures of Janmeggepflancutcad on top of important buildings.